Are you hungry?
I worked in child watch at a YMCA for a little while before I became a lifeguard. I basically babysat kids while their parents were working out. It was always a challenge when we had babies in there because when they would cry, I had no idea what they wanted. Was the child hungry? Tired? In need of a clean diaper? Upset?
Hunger is a really basic instinct, you feel hungry so you eat food and that hungry feeling goes away. Living with diabetes means that hungry is no longer the deciding factor in when I eat.
I frequently have to eat when I’m not hungry and at times when I am hungry I should postpone eating. It’s very counter intuitive. Numbers more or less are deciding when I eat and I’m not a fan of math.
How long ago did I eat? How many carbs can I handle without taking more insulin? What’s my blood sugar now? Do I have enough insulin with me to leave the house?
Diabetes is like a crying child sometimes.
Among the many oddities of my health, I am more insulin resistant in the mornings. By late morning my resistance has decreased. So of course I have fewer grams of carbohydrates per unit of insulin in the morning. I had started to notice that if I ate breakfast at 8:30 instead of 8:00, I needed less insulin.
Daylight savings time screwed me up.
Since my blood sugar was much lower after breakfast it pushed my need for lunch to be sooner creating a larger gap between lunch and dinner. Now I need an afternoon snack, whether I’m hungry or not.
Brad asked me the other night if living with diabetes seemed more normal now. There is a sort of routine that I’ve fallen into. The schedule isn’t a bad as I thought it would be and even calculating carbs to insulin isn’t that bad. The mechanics of this illness are (dare I say it?) pretty easy. The feelings are the hard part.
I feel like I’m ignoring my body when it tells me I’m full but my meter tells me I’m 45mg/dL and that I have to eat.
Oh, and that’s just one of the many feelings my little D-monster comes with.
Are you hungry?